Friday 29 June 2012

Chink Chink!


Why can't I get married to Uzair Jaswal, again? o.o I mean, he's the cutest non-chink that looks like a chink.

Nevertheless, it's annoying how they got a bill out on how you'd be fined if you call a chink, a chink? I mean, doh! Even though this news' pretty old, but still, a chink is a chink, and I don't care if I'd be fined, I'd still use the word chink. No, I'm not being a racist, it's just that, you know, chinks are cute. Not everybody can be a chink, I mean, unless, of course, if you're Korean, Chinese, Nepali, Japanese, Taiwanese, East-Indian, even some native American Indians look chink'ish, etc etc..but yeah, a chink's chink!

Wide Awake!

Pretty much back on track!
Almost recovered, except for these pills that I have to take for like a month to normalize my hemoglobin. Nonetheless, allowed to travel! :D
Leaving tomorrow evening or on Sunday, for Ajmer. Finally, Dargah<3 Gotta duaaa and I just thought of something really amazing that I should be doing when I'm there! God bless.

Katy Perry - Wide Awake - ANTHEM TO LIFE. lol.
And love love love, you are such mystery. :D
Nevertheless, no time to waste! Pack my bags and I'm gone. Most probably, leaving everything behind in the rear-view mirror, even though, past has this tendency of catching up, time after time, but well, for the time being, I'd rather just ignore it for the sake of keeping myself sane.


Sunday 10 June 2012

Untitled.

This fucking headache stays! Even after I slept for a couple of hrs, it's still there! I don't feel sad anymore, I'm just fucking disturbed in the head! I wish, I could just die, without any guilt or regret. I might, perhaps. It's Monday today..Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday..whoop, gone!

Never mind.

My head hurts really bad..like this pain has been piercing through me for hours now and I can't fucking take it anymore. I have no clue where I'm getting admission..or for a fact, if I'm getting admission at all. It feels fucked. Everything. How can I get a fucking 8?
Anyhow, I miss my sister really fucking bad! Been 5yrs since I last saw her? So, well, I'm waiting for a reply from her. If I don't get any, I'll be gone by Friday, probably. A stab in the heart takes 4 seconds to kill you. Not like many people will notice, but to those who will, well, I was perfectly fine, other than the fact enormously fat, without a school, surrounded by people who dislike/hate me, and well, mentally fucking crazy.

That's about it.

Wednesday 6 June 2012

So after not eating for a few days and being intensively sad, I'm going to Mumbai to see Adrishi. :D lol.
Going to get ready..have to leave in an hr. FUCKING EXCITED :O

Seeing my best friend, for the first time, after she became my best friend :3 (sounds complicated). We were in school together, back when I was in 4th and she was in 6th..but it has been really good since Jan' 11'.
Epic nights, conversations, conferences, cam chats, bitching, helping each other pick clothes (lol), and well, all of that stuff which best friends forever/sisters/wives/soul-mates/mothers/non-existent kid's godmothers do. :P

Anyway, I'd fill in after I'm back tomorrow noon.

Love x

Monday 4 June 2012

Burn, bitch, burn.

I haven't written anything in a while..well, I don't have much to say.

I scored an 8-pointer in Boards.
A 10 in English, 9 in Hindi, 8 in Social & Science and a 5 in Maths.

So, anyway, I've no clue about my admissions (reason why I've been all annoyed and destructive, lately).
I don't feel like doing anything, at all. I have been home for over more than 2 months (and I'm going insane).

I tried to cut myself again, last night. How? With the corners of some wrapper of a tablet. Couldn't go deep at all, but anyway, for the sake of it, as all of my blades were thrown away. Hadn't cut in..2-3months, now. It's stupid. It's the only way I can calm down, mentally/emotionally. And I won't like to hear questions about it..asking why and shit.
My body, to abuse or caress.

I deactivated my facebook, 'cause humans are fucking stupid. Gave my phone to mom, 'cause I don't wish to be 'in touch' with anyone, not at the moment, at least. And that's about it, I need my space. I need to be fucking away from everyone who is alive.

My best friend's coming to India tomorrow, and I won't be able to see her. Life's perfect? Pretty much, yes.

Why the fuck am I still alive? Well, for this month, to know if I'd get in a good school. If I don't, things will take up a different turn. How? You'll see.

I hate love. I hate emotions. I hate feelings. I hate the fact that they keep me alive. The fuck? I don't need love. It's bullshit. True story. Annoying as fuck, I'd just burn it.