I could be happy..oh,well.

You know that feeling of sadness when you don't know what is it that is making you feeling this way? Or, probably, you have a million reasons to be upset, but you can't think of one to pick up and blame everything onto. You just cry, each day as it passes you by, you don't show, though people get a hint..you've changed. You're not what you used to be. You're not you..something different, something new, something disturbing, something unreal, something fake..but if fake is where you started with as that's what people may take you to be..did you actually turn into that "to-pretense-image"..did you actually lose yourself to that kind of stupidity? Did I lose myself..to what I might have portrayed to be. Am I responsible for all this misery I feel? For how I can never get my head straight on things? For I feel empty..like I have nobody. like I can believe in nobody. And even when people compliment me, it seems to be so unreal. Lies. Lies Lies..that is all what echoes in my head when I hear something good about myself. Don't I want to be happy? I obviously do. But how? I feel sad. I feel lonely. Even with a lot of people trying to make me happy..god knows why they love me, even when I'm a bitch to them mostly..they are there. And it's not helping. Nothing is helping. I just..I don't even wish to die anymore. I just want eternal sleep. It's the kind of tired..that doesn't go away by a 8-10hrs of sleeping. It's the forever kind of tired. A sick feeling all over my body that's wearing me out. Making me weak, killing me each day as it passes by, slowly..slowly..slowly..in a while, I'd fade away. I'd be a memory. I'd be distant. I'd be at the edge of it all.